got me thinking. What defines us? I have been defined so many many times by the color of my hair. I am naturally very blonde. I've been told time and time again how blessed I am. But my hair defines me. I cut it recently. I cut it on Tuesday. Not all of it but most of it is gone. Gone. It looks strange. Nobody has this cut. I think it's the me I've always tried to show. Princess is nice. But who wants to be defined as being a princess? Not me.
On Thursday night, right before midnight, he said that I'm his girlfriend again if it's what I want. It was two months of us being together, being a thing. Almost a month after I ended it with him the first time, which happened on Christmas Eve. It was what I wanted. The security that comes with the title. The protection from what has happened to so many of my friends, what has happened to me. Ambiguity always ends in heartbreak. And I care way too much for him not to take some precautions. I know he cares for me. I know he wants to love me. He doesn't fall in love as quickly as I do. I don't expect him to. I try not expect anything anymore.
I'm tired of excuses. So tired. I need to trust. I need to not feel like an idiot when I do.
We are defined by our relationships to others. What defines us is our behavior in those relationships. We can only do so much. And then we have to trust the other to follow through. How can I love but not trust?